Although 18 is the age when one is considered to be an adult, the prior age of 21 for achieving adulthood is more realistic. At 28, you should have a few years invested in your career and be thinking of getting married within the next few years so dating someone over age seems logical. The average age for a first marriage in the US was 29 for the man and 27 for the woman.. But as an 18 year old, I can tell you that most 18 year old girls are not mature enough to date a 28 year old.
The social situations for an 18 and 28 year old are vastly different: Plus an 18 year old still recieves a lot of parental influence, while 28 year old do their own thing. It really wouldn't work. Legally a 20 year old and an 18 year old would be fine. Not so much with the "almost" 18 year old. I will be 29 in March and 25 is the youngest I will date.
YES, Over ten years, your considering dating a kid! I am not trying to beat you up about this, but you have life experience that the almost 18 year old has yet to experience. I am not talking about the legal age thing at all, just allowing someone to live before they date someone that has already "Been there, done that! Let me give you an example, When you were graduating from high school, they were just leaving 2nd grade!
When you had your first drink, they were still playing with Barbie dolls. Your first trip to Las Vegas, she was just getting used to being the big kid on campus of the elementary school. Let her live a little. She may still be there when she is at least 21! Don't misunderstand this as judging you, just thinking about what she has yet to experience. It's legal, but I doubt that it would go anywhere, if they are fresh out of high school, the two of you wouldn't have anything in common, plus I am sure that they would get tired of you going out to bars without them and whatnot.
I know that when I was 18, if a guy that was your age hit on me, I would think 'gross, he's like I know most of my friends did Anyway, yeah go for it, but don't expect too much out of it as she will be young and wanting to have a good time, and probably not be ready to settle down or anything I dont think its wrong. My grandparents were 10 yrs apart. My aunt was 8 yrs older than her husband, and my sister is 5 yrs younger than her husband.
The age difference that i think is wrong is like 15 yrs apart, 20 yrs apart,.. Those age difference i dont understand, cause each person grew up in a whole differnt time, and one person could be the mother to the husband such as Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. My mom is close to Demis age, its like saying my mom marrying a guy that could be her child. Shes an adult and you are too, go for it; Good luck my friend: Maybe three times as long.
If your desire to date this guy is based on romantic ideas, my guess is that you are in for a considerable shock and a disappointment. Even though you are technically an adult, most girls of 21 are still growing, still naive and idealistic and vulnerable. No one is stopping you. When you later find out that the relationship did not go as you dreamed it would, you will be more ready to avoid relationships based on dreams. Is it appropriate for a year-old man to date a year-old woman?
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Is it weird for a year-old man to date a year-old woman?
Dec 11, · What a 28 year old and a 21 year old are going to have are different levels of experience. A 28 year old is going to be likely to have been around and about a lot more, particularly things like: Experience with long term relationships and living with another person. Oct 21, · Great sex. You are at the age when finally women start to appreciate good sex. He is at the age when he can deliver great sex. Hopefully he is as knowledgeable as he is horny. If not that is a great opportunity for you to teach and he to learn. Th. Jun 03, · Re your question: A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman. But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guy, I'm not so sure. (Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing. I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you.
Oct 21, · Great sex. You are at the age when finally women start to appreciate good sex. He is at the age when he can deliver great sex. Hopefully he is as knowledgeable as he is horny. If not that is a great opportunity for you to teach and he to learn. Th. Oct 11, · Help me please I'm a 40 year old woman dating a 20 year old man Well we were good friends for months before we actually got together. And we talked about everything under the sun. Jun 03, · Re your question: A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman. But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guy, I'm not so sure. (Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing. I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you.
She is mature as any 20 year old I know. However, I know at 20 years old I still had a lot of growing up to do. She is more mature than me than I was at that age though. So basically, this is a relationship where other than the age difference, there aren't really any huge red flags. The problem is, I don't know how much of a red flag the age difference is.
I'm in my late late 20's and I simply cannot imagine dating a 20 year old under ANY circumstances. She is taking a balanced perspective on this, and she realizes that even though this guy seems perfect now, things could go very wrong and is she is open to more information and perspectives. So, hive mind- please tell us, how worrisome or problematic is this age difference?
I think it's a bit of a concern, but I also think you should mind your own business. You are only going to alienate your sister by telling her who she should and shouldn't date and isn't that exactly the problem with your parents, that they are trying to control her choices? I suspect this guy might be a lot less attractive if your parents weren't so strict. As long as your sister is using birth control and otherwise taking care of herself, then I wouldn't worry. It's not THAT big of a deal.
A lot of young women date older men and get over it when they grow up a little more themselves. Honestly, the only thing that causes me concern in the facts laid out above is that they work together. There's a reason everyone always says to stay out of office place romances.
In fact, given everything else you say, this sounds like a great relationship. I hope that the workplace stuff doesn't mess it up. Don't worry about the age difference. My default attitude toward that age difference would be skepticism but openness. It's not hard to be in your 30s but at a "place in life" that's more associated with early 20s; if she's relatively mature at 20, that can match up pretty well.
So, yeah, I don't blame you for being a little uneasy over this. Doesn't sound like a problem to me. I think this is so situation specific as to defy a generalization. It sounds like your sister is handling it well and aware of the risks. If it were me and I were you, I would give my sister support and not comment beyond what you have already. The age difference is big, but if she's as mature as you say she is, and they seem to be good together, it's probably ok.
I would be more worried about what would happen if when? It's far more likely that she would move in with him than with you, given that she's in school and has a job in her state. That seems like bad news waiting to happen. The worrisome aspect would be him ready for a commitment she's not ready for--marriage, kids, etc. The best thing would be for her to really clarify her goals College? Moving for job opportunities? In general, I wouldn't say that a year-old dating a year-old raises any immediate red flags.
I do worry that she's perhaps jeopardizing her current living situation due to point 2. I personally see nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, and even encourage it, but I'm not her parents. She needs to tread lightly, and perhaps investigate the possibility of moving out before she's forced out.
Parents are a lot less likely to find out what a child's sex life is like when the child doesn't live at home. Better to be out in the open about it than be keeping this sort of thing a secret that may later backfire or be grounds for dismissal. Again, the age difference isn't a big deal, but the circumstances surrounding the relationship may be.
What type of position is she in, that is, is she some sort of intern who when done with school will be vaulted into a better position than her counterpart? Is he married or ever been? The age difference should not really raise a concern, I figure once someone is past say around 23 or 24 and up until 45 ish the only thing age really is is a number, and perhaps you might be slightly better at trivia if you are on the upper end of that range since you have lived a little longer and might be more familiar with older pop things, but other than that it appears you are wanting to make sure his true intentions is to be with your sister and there isn't something you are missing, so I would work with the above questions and go from there.
Most people will say if she's happy don't worry about it, and well this can be true, girls at a frat house who are hopped up on xtacy about to be date raped are happy as well, its only after the high has worn off and the realization about what has occurred sets in are they not happy. That is, she is happy, which is why she's told you about this to share her joy. Also, are you sure this is not some sort of act of rebellion on her part, and by cluing you in that can be effectuated by you cluing in your parents, she still lives at home and as you note is actively aware it could be cause for disruption of her living situation, but it's possible your parents will still weigh high cost of living and let her stay, just be disgruntled.
My sister is 39 and is married to a guy who is in his 70s. They're adults, nobody is forcing either of them, and it sounds like she's being treated well. He may very well treat her better than the immature guys her age will. He's not old enough to be her father, or even a father figure.
Yes, the "they work together" thing and the "they keep it secret" thing are concerning, as is to a lesser extent, for me the "somewhat different ages and stages" thing, but in the secular world, people generally have lots of relationships and most of them don't work out. Finally, a very distant last, verging on something that is only going to be a problem because your parents will look for problems that don't exist 3 the age difference.
Everything you say about your sister and her partner makes me think the age difference is something they are going to handle well. If it helps you to get past the age difference, remember this guy was in his twenties a few months ago. Without any evidence that this guy is mistreating your sister or using her, I wouldn't be worried, especially if your sister is mature and generally makes sensible decisions about important things.
I have been involved with someone eight years younger than me, and our relationship is both stable and long term. Honestly, I'd be more worried about the possible repercussions of dipping the pen in company ink than anything else given the facts you've presented.
But it sounds like they're aware of those risks, too. Well, I understand five years can make a lot of difference, but my mom stepmom actually married my dad when she was He was nine years older, and they are still happily married, 35 years later.
They came from a similar conservative background to yours. Does your sister's boyfriend understand or identify at all with your sister's background? Is marriage sometime in the next few years a possibility, or no? Does he have a sexual background way different from hers? The age difference in itself is not a problem. Problems arise only if they have different expectations or assumptions about how their relationship will work out.
Things like money, in-laws, religion, kids are more important than age as she considers possible relationship roadblocks. It sounds like this guy is great, so I'd say she should continue dating him while keeping her eyes open and figuring the rest of this stuff out. I'm sure she still has some growing up to do; all year-olds do, even the mature ones. So why would it serve the purpose of helping her grow up by convincing her to remove herself from a situation that We learn by doing; we grow by experiencing.
If things "go wrong" and relationship ends, then she'll learn and grow from that. Not having your first relationship work out is not the worst thing that can happen to someone; sometimes, it can be the best. What you can imagine is right for you is not what is right for everyone else. This is a good approach. This happened, they're in love and he's treating her well by all accounts.
She just needs to make sure she's treating him well. The age difference is is something that will bother other people, but if it doesn't bother them, then that's fine. In the end, it's their relationship and they, not the world or even you, have to be happy with it. This might sound a bit out of left field, but is it possible that some of your Mormon upbringing might still be affecting your thinking a bit?
I say this only because my extended family has a healthy serving of observant Mormons, and there is a cultural pressure to marry strong view of sex outside of marriage as extremely sinful, leading to many people marrying in their early 20's. You may be unwittingly seeing that a guy who is single at 30 as a bit of a red flag-- because it's a bit unusual for Mormon guys to make it to 30 still single-- so you might be unconsciously wondering if there is an issue that makes him not great relationship material.
Dating someone you work with is always fraught with issues, as others have said. And no matter how discreet they think they are being, people may still guess, because some people have a sixth sense about that kind of thing, and other people are not as good at hiding things as they think they are.
One of the great things about being a year-old woman is getting to date year-old men. My husband is 6 years older than me, and we met when I was I'm glad I found him, but I'm also glad I had the experience of dating casually when I was younger. He sounds great and she sounds like she knows her shit.
Everyone's got a lot of growing up to do. You live and learn and live and learn. I don't think you should necessarily be worried about the age difference, unless there are other warning signs. Lots of female friends of mine in college dated guys in their 30s and survived. The only warning she should have is that people in their 30s often want to settle down.
Make sure she's thinking consciously about what she wants to accomplish in the next 5 years or so graduate school? I don't see the problem here, in that it seems to be a mutually respectful relationship. Sure, dating coworkers can cause problems, but in the long run it's no big deal.
As for parents who may kick her out of the house, this is a separate issue. One of the great things about being a year-old woman is getting to date year-old men as a counter to this - i found the closer a guy was to my age, the more disrespectful and crappy he was.
As long as there isn't a significant power imbalance I don't see anything significant wierd about the relationship. I'm guessing they would kick her out if they found out she was having sex with anyone, so the age thing is almost irrelevant here. So, that being said I guess the only thing to base the relationship on is My in-laws who married latter in life are about 20 years difference.
My first gf was 9 years older than I Yeah you said it isn't an option but I was 22 when I met my thenyear-old boyfriend, now my husband. As with other posters, the only thing that concerns me is that they work together. That could get weird fast, or it could be the source of a bad power dynamic.
None of us here can know that, though. Whether or not this is a mistake isn't something any of us can know, either. In retrospect I understand why both of those relationships didn't work out, but on the other hand, both were good for me in their own way and I learned about myself. So, as long as she's not being played by an older dude for sex, she's fine, and even if she is being played by an older dude for sex, she's fine, since being played by dudes for sex is basically a round the clock risk of dating.
I don't see a problem. The only problem I would see would be if he didn't have an education, had financial problems, or some drama in his life. I know women who married guys who were more than ten years older than them, and frankly, there was a big benefit to being with someone already financially established, chiefly, being able to have kids younger rather than waiting until there's more income.
I was a 20 year old dating a 28 year old. Now I am a 27 year old happily married to a 35 year old. In our case, it worked out beautifully and things are pretty great with us. I am so, so glad I ddin't reject him just because of his age. Just a data point. But, I would not have dated him while living with my parents or while working with him.
Too much pressure - if things go wrong and your parents find out and she has to move in with you, would she have to switch schools and jobs? There is so much on the line here; I think the age difference is not the biggest concern. I'm much more concerned about her living under your parents' roof and risking her living situation than I am about the age difference.
Them being coworkers is also a concern. Both of those things can lead to a lot more drama and strife than anything related to age differences. Dating someone your parents don't approve of while you live with them, and that person also being a coworker is a horrible idea.
Pretty sure no good can come from any of that. When I was 24, I very briefly took up with a 38 year old. To no ill effect, and in fact we're friends to this day. That said, that was a different situation because this guy was by no means my "first" anything - I'd definitely been around the block by 24 - and also, we broke up very quickly because the age difference made him uncomfortable the fact that at 24 I looked barely legal probably didn't help, either.
It was very obvious from the get-go that this was not "meant to be" in any significant sense. How long have they been together? That's another concern - I would feel less sketchy about this if you hadn't said that things were "moving very quickly". But that's another thing I tend to distrust no matter what the ages are. Why not meet the guy, see them together, and get a sense of what they're like as a couple?
There are plenty of immature 30 year old men in the US. I know at 20 years old I still had a lot of growing up to do. She is more mature than me than I was at that age though You're you, and she's her. You need to take care of yourself, and let her do for herself, unless or until some sort of actual harm enters the situation.
And even then, you need to remember that there's only so much you can to for someone else when romance is concerned, even if they're someone you love and feel protective of. Beginning when I was 25, I was in a relationship with a 40 year old for two years which started out by moving very quickly. There were a lot of personality issues and personal problems that made the relationship not work on both our parts , but age itself wasn't one of the factors that made it difficult, and we are still friends now.
Four years later, I can see that I got a lot out of that relationship, difficult as it was. The only possibly, though maybe not age-related issues I can think of that arose had to do with expectations. She had certain things that she expected because she was used to them: Also, as a 31 year old I can say that I've known a number of year-olds at or near my level of maturity.
If they're both treating each other well, I wouldn't worry about the age difference. I'd be more concerned about the prospects of a failed relationship with a co-worker than anything else. I was 18 when I started dating my now-husband, who was It's now 13 years later and we are still perfectly happy together. I'd be more worried in her case about the potential getting-kicked-out-of-home thing. But since she's working, she could presumably afford to rent a place, yes?
Maybe she'd have to share with people, but that's kind of normal for someone her age. I haven't read the other answers, but I have thought about age differences in dating a lot. Mostly because I am 21 and have dated people much older than me before - pretty much the same spread as between your sister and her guy. The issues that I stumbled into were: Be prepared to have that conversation earlier.
Things that your older boyfriend remembers from childhood are different than yours. This can be a big deal or not. Either make a joke of it or don't acknowledge it, but it is still going to come up a bunch and both parties have to be okay with it to deal with that. Who's career will take precedence in regards to things like moving - it might end up being th person more established in their which would tend to be the older partner.
This is particularly relevant if they work in the same place! It is important to integrate, at least to some degree, your friends and your partner. Do they get along despite an age difference? This is a good indicator as to whether they are the kind of person your sister might otherwise date, just older.
Basically, get ready to have a lot of conversations sooner than you might have had you not dated up a decade. It can go great, and in twenty years be of no notice to them anymore as their kid graduates high school. Or she might get burned, like any other relationship.
There are just different questions to ask and risks to be taken. I know a couple of Mormon marriages with this age spread. After all, the Young Single Adult program is for ages 18 to 30, and late-blooming RMs dating freshmen at BYU can easily have a five or six year age gap for that matter, some grad students date freshmen and sophomores at BYU, simply because so many girls get married young there, and the pool of year-old single women is quite small.
Your parents will be more mad about the sex and the lying than the age thing, I bet. Incidentally, it's probably a lot healthier for her to not be living with your parents if she's choosing to live her life this way. As for the bottom-line question: I'd be concerned if this was her first at-all relationship; that it's her first serious relationship and he's so much older is a bit of a warning sign. It might be a little too much rebellion and danger and not enough "this is really right for who I am," but that's the sort of thing that people have to sort out for themselves.
It doesn't sound like you're worried about her safety, so. Long before I ever met my wife, she was involved in a similar relationship, age-wise. She was about 20 and living with her boyfriend who was about Eventually they broke up, obviously, but she turned out ok. She's now happily married to me, we have a nice house, she's pregnant with our first child. We went sailing in Greece last year.
Are any of these things relevant? I don't know, how are you going to judge damage done by this age difference? What's my opinion of the guy? I don't know, I never met him. I'd have to guess he's not the most mature person for his age or wasn't 10 years ago, anyway. I like to have a relationship with old women!
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Jun 03, · Re your question: A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman. But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guy, I'm not so sure. (Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing. I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you. Wrong, how? Certainly not illegal. Definitely not immoral. Rarely if ever, stupid. A good many 21 year old girls have little real life experience, and are romantic and naive. Guys of that age, and certainly those who are older, are prone to exploi. Mar 07, · From a sexual attraction standpoint, I challenge you to stand me shirtless next to Sophia Loren in Grumpier Old Men and tell me that a year-old Author: Julieanne Smolinski.
Nov 24, · I agree that five years isn't a big difference in the scheme of everything, but the gap between 20 and 25 is pretty significant. Context matters. A 16 year old dating an 11 year old would be creepy. Yes, you're both adults, but she isn't done maturing. She'll probably change a lot over the next couple years. I know I did. Mar 07, · From a sexual attraction standpoint, I challenge you to stand me shirtless next to Sophia Loren in Grumpier Old Men and tell me that a year-old Author: Julieanne Smolinski. Jun 11, · Can a 20 year old girl date a 30 year old man? some people act way different when they are 30 versus Then it would not make sense if the 30 year old was dating a girl still in college.Plus...